Current mood:

anxious

camp what?
So camping is on the fringe of not happening…I mean I totally understand the reasons, I am just too sexy! No, that has nothing to do w/ it, let me fill you in on my predicament and we can go from there. Now, this person I want to go camping with has a boyfriend, from my knowledge a boyfriend who likes to work a lot and then when he is not working he likes watch racing movies and go on bike rides…all fun and games. Now I know I personally pose no threat ie my on going bet (a few entries down if you missed it) and just the fact I am pretty much 100%, well maybe 99% sure that if I was the last man on earth fornication would still have to be thought over extensively before taking place. I am pretty sure that this guy understands that too, and I really don’t want to cause any problems in a relationship because that isn’t really my thing. I am pretty sure she filled him in on many of my flaws and why I shouldn’t be perceived as a threat. I don’t know it is just mind boggling sometimes, I mean I leave Aug 17th for almost a little under 2 years when all is said and done, what is one weekend? 1/104th of the weekends after that…that is 103 more weekends, 206 more days he will have the opportunity not to go out on her birthday and go to Chi town and bore her, and no I am not trying to play the nice guy roll. If I was she could read through that in an instant…this is a purely platonic situation, and I have others I could go camping with. Actually a group of people are going that same weekend, but the problem is I don’t enjoy the company of over half of them…they are a bunch of pussies and I get pissed when I am around them, and one of my best friends fiancés is going and lets just say we don’t sit well w/ each other…I would love to say more but I will leave it at that. You may ask “why do you want to go with this person?” You know I have asked my self that a few times and the only logical explanation is that when I am around her I feel like a better person, and she makes me smile, she doesn’t buy my bullshit and will tell me how it is, and that is a trait not often found. Sometimes I feel that people are around me just to get stuff out of me, well not now cause I am broke but back in the day. I don’t get that with her, the most she gets out of me may be like a foot rub or shoulder rub, and I am not that good at those anyway so it can’t be worth my company. Wait she did get a nintendo...shit, but that was awhile ago and in no way could it hold any bearing on upcoming ventures. I don’t know it is something bothering me at the moment, does she know, probably not unless she reads this. That would suck because she would probably poke fun at me, I don’t think she reads this anyway so I am safe. I turely hope she decides to go...that would seriously make my week, shit, my 4 weeks...times a ticken.

I mean this is my first time keeping a journal...this is what you are supposed to do right? Put down what is going on in your life, problems, and what not?

I will go by myself if I have to, I already reserved the spot and I haven’t been camping since I left Idaho, where I used to do it almost every weekend. It is something I have been thinking of doing for a long time and lets just say I would be pissed if I never got a chance to camp in the woods again, a tad morbid but true none the less. Just being in the woods brightens my spirits, I pray that if I live to 50 at that time I will be living in a log cabin on or near a mountain…maybe a dog, shit maybe even a wife. Someplace I can hike and hunt in the spring, summer and fall and ski in the winter. I hope it will have a fire place too, where I can sit and read, hell maybe I will even have a corncob pipe and a smoking jacket. This place wouldn’t have TV, all entertainment would be is company, books and some chess. Going to the store would be a half a day adventure and deer would walk up onto my front stoop at night sniffing the apple cinnamon essence coming from under the door jam. No florescent lighting, no loud traffic, no people yelling, no sirens, no annoying neighbors, no locks and no worries. Oh and my rocking chair, shit yeah, a rocking chair. Oh and I got bored tonight and shaved my arms, I feel naked now, I think I am going to wear I long sleeve shirt out on the town tomorrow. AND I NOW HAVE MY KWANZAA SHIRT BACK…YES...had to sell my sould but i got it.

Tad Yourich